have you heard the song "homeward bound" by marta keen?

the band sang it today as part of the pass-out parade programme

"set me free to find my calling, and i'll return to you somehow"

songs that make me want to cry

she'll never love you the way i do

and you know it

that it's funny how the people who are so convinced they are doing God's work, are actually the ones who are doing the most damage to His world

run la, run and hide

the world is full of cockroaches, who shy away from the light and scatter from the crevices when something shifts



need baygon

i dreamt

i dreamt of you, of me, of her


she was beside me

you were far off

you looked in my direction

and smiled, and laughed

teased, tried to throw things

(so unlike you?)

i looked in your direction

smiled, laughed, felt myself blush

ducked the things you threw


but

you continued to laugh, and throw

and i realised

you hadn't even noticed

that i was gone


and i was alone

again

like always

because every time i think i'm not alone

that there is someone who wants to be in the nucleus of my atomic world

i am fooled

i am the master of my own deception

and i am alone

if only reassurance of my affection could be enough

could be the soothing balm that i wish it were

perhaps then my heart would not be so restless and troubled




in other news, i really should start writing in proper sentences again

i'm crazy... i just know it

one day people will officially admit it

be with me

i'll make you happy

you can walk away, but you know there's only one me

i'd give you everything, if only everything i had were enough

i'd wait

because you're worth it


but nothing i say will ever make you mine

i think about running away a lot

it used to be bad... and then i found something which made it better

but then i realised (in time?) that i'm probably kidding myself

so now i think about running away again

only this time, much further away

me: those CAVC ppl are very strange. really very strange

fr cary: what strange! as if you're not strange!

me: ???? (speechless)

fr cary 1, me 0

what the hell

it only takes a little bit to make me happy

but a little bit already happened this morning... =)

oh and today is i-love-lincoln day! hurray!

a prisoner in my own head

a prisoner in my own life



i hate it when people can't work normally and then everything becomes my fault


i hate my own brain

i want to go away and never come back

but i am trapped

to be able to envisage a future, only never to have it realised,

or to see nothing at all?

i think there are a lot of stupid people in the world

i think i am running out of the patience to deal with such people



i don't know why the things that happen to me, happen to me

sometimes they are good things

sometimes they are so laughably bad i have trouble believing it's actually happening


there's no point in it anymore

why are people so fucking STUPID?

and LAZY?

and BLIND?

on another partially related note, why is everything i wear WRONG?

too short

not tailored

too low cut

i think i shld wear tudung

fuck la, fucking irritating

i have nowhere for all this anger to go

i am so tired

and alone

and this is never going to end

fuck my life

i was explaining to one of my students what a cheap thrill is
(because apparently this is a phrase in the lexicons of people over a certain age - gasp)

and then i said, bo liao stuff

and i thought of KNG SUAN lolololol

in other news i had fun yest with candice, charmaine, michelle and my sister (and andrew)

i bought things

i paid for things (which is not the same thing)

and well, tmr there's work again

sigh






note to self: there is no point in thinking about the past

because it's called the past for a reason

please grow up

and try to improve your taste in men while you're at it

love, your ever-loving self

(she dint tag me but i dont care. i havent done one in a long time)

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own LJ, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real . . . nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

My Letter: M

01. What is your name: Marcia
02. A four letter word: Make
03. A boy's name: Melvyn!
04. A girl's name: Monique?
05. An occupation: Medic
06. A color: Mauve
07. Something you wear: Mantle
08. A food: Molasses? Muesli?
09. Something found in the bathroom: er. er. Mirror!
10. A place: Maastricht (i have no idea how i know or why i remember this - it's a town in holland)
11. A reason for being late: Mother didnt wake me up
12. Something one shouts: Maa te! (it's japanese right? for 'wait'? it's ancient asinghan for 'bloody hell')
13. A movie title: Monster
14. Something you drink: Martini!
15. A musical group: Maroon 5. ugh
16. An animal: Mongoose
17. A street name: Margaret Drive
18. A type of car: Mustang!!!!
19. The title of a song: Mustang Sally - all you wanna do is ride around, sally, RIDE SALLY RIDE